Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
