Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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