Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
