She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
