He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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