If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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