just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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