So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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