I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
