so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
