I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
