so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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