Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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