Do vagina's smell?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love having hate sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
