I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
