I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
