I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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