he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
