OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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