She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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