Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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