Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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