I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
