Yo dont text me then not text me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
