Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
