he wants to bone in the snuggie
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
