Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
