Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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