I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
