If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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