I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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