So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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