the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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