My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
