we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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