Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
