I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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