Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
