New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
