it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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