Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
