Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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