I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
