well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm like, not good at living.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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