Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
