if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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