Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
