So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
