you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
