I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
